This deserves a proper post, hopefully later in the week. The next few days are a bit mad so a photo will do for now.

I do a lot of writing in notebooks. As a method of communing and enjoying intimacy with God i’ve found it invaluable and have been massively blessed by it over the last 4 or 5 years. I’ve learned much about who God is and who I am as i’ve spent time scribbling down all kinds of thoughts and prayers, growing comfortable in his presence. I’d recommend everyone do it.

Libby (aka my sister) marries Dave in a few weeks. Recently I found an entry I wrote the day they got engaged, now over a year ago. Its a tribute and a prayer which seems fitting to share. I’ve not edited its content at all. It wasn’t written for an audience so its quite likely some bits might not make sense. I don’t care :).

27/6/07

Lib got engaged today. They were both so happy it was beautiful. They’re both so right for each other and will be a mighty asset to the kingdom. I pray for your protection father, keep them strong, may they never loose heart, a lifetime of fixing their eyes on Jesus. Let them run that race together, doggedly, and with perseverance. May they know the sufficiency of your love and grace, may they find rest in your arms and peace in your presence.

If you kept a record of our transgressions who could stand father, but with you there is forgiveness and therefore you are feared. Oh Lord I praise you, I love you, for we are cleansed. You present us faultless to the father. Its only through your grace. I am simply blown away by your goodness, that you would do what you did to bring me to your side. Its outrageous, its madness, your love is a mystery and I will never understand why you love me as much as you do. I don’t get it but thats ok, you simply want me to accept it, to receive your embrace. You heal me Lord, you fulfill me, you complete me and in your sight my identity will never change. You elevate me to a place impossible for me to fall from. I am in awe of you Lord.

Unless I know your love for me, how can I reflect it to those in the world around me. Teach me more of your love father, Rest in your presence and fullness of joy. I’m enjoying your love right now, I thank you for moments like these, time just to be a son in the presence of his father. I love you. Amen.

If i’m stressed or tense I find drawing helps me chill out.


Often its a case of just needing something else to focus on, something very different. I was away on holiday a few weeks ago, it all got a bit much, I got grumpy, and so instead of continuing to take it out on my wonderful family and stewing in self-pity I started colouring! 30 minutes later I was the epitome of peace and tranquility once more :). Yeah it is a bit weird but i’ve the ability to be a complete muppet sometimes - and its better for the planet that I coax myself out of it ASAP!

My career has taken off. I papped a premiership footballer in Manchester Airport last Sunday as he watched the Wimbledon final in Terminal 3. Seizing the opportunity I whipped out the trusty but seriously crud 1.3 megapixel camera embedded within my phone and took these beauts. I don’t think anyone actually reads this thing but in the off-chance you do and want to have a stab at who it is i’ll give you a bit of time to have some guesses. Some larger images:

This week, one of my childhood dreams was finally realised. I bought some Predators. As a kid I never came close to owning a pair, I pined after them but my folks were way too sensible but now, owning my first pair so late in my career i’m left feeling cheated.

I am a victim of relative maturity (compared to a 12 year old anyway!) and it appears that they’re not ACTUALLY magic. Infact they seem pretty ordinary. How could that have happened, I swear they used to be magic.

I sort of miss the naive cheap thrills of being a kid… when building my premier league sticker empire was my full time vocation, I remember dropping them in the middle of a busy-crossing and crying all the way home… and that new Gameboy… man, it ROCKED MY WORLD!

Back to the boots, its not that bad, i’m coping, magic or not magic, Stevie G still wears them which does mean i’ll be roughly as good as him ;) - his height advantage might give him the edge in the air, but I think most people would agree, theres not really much to choose between us.

Just a note for any puma king pansies out there, don’t kid yourself, they never came close!

Just back from a civilised stag weekend. We stayed in Rockliffe nearish Dumfries. Highlights included Holland destroying France (particularly the goals from Robben and Sneijder), a walk which included cheese sandwiches on the top of a very big hill, beautiful surroundings, silly cricket and a seriously awesome pub eating and drinking session by the sea as the sun disappeared on the Saturday night. The weather was gorgeous.

It was brilliant, there was no humiliation, just a uber relaxing but fun weekend in good company. Call me old and dull, but given the choice, were I ever have to my own such “celebration” i’d definitely go for something similar… it was just so good, but knowing my wonderful friends as I do, I think it unlikely that i’d get away with it. Silly traditions. Civilized, chilled, pleasant… underrated.

Here’s where we were (Rockliffe nearish Dumfries)

Grandpa has gone. On up ahead and claimed his crown of righteousness. The service at the crematorium was beautiful, grandma read Psalm 16 and I got through Psalm 23. There were tears as we remembered someone we were very fond of, but for me an overriding sense of joy, knowing grace had carried him home and the faithfulness of a God in whose arms he now rests, alive and at peace.

I’m reminded of one of my favorite passages, from Psalm 103 verses 13-18. I love being reminded of our being mortal, our finiteness, our being dust. It somehow just seems right and makes God all the greater.

As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,he remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.

But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children’s children-

with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.

At the moment i’ve all four of my grandparents still living. Very soon there’ll be one less. Grandpa is dying. He was diagnosed with cancer about 6 weeks ago and given 4-6 weeks. I’ve been back quite a few times over the last month or so to say goodbye, but this time was almost certainly the last.

Even sitting is now weary and a quarter cup of tea has become too heavy to hold, his weariness is acute. Inspite of the separation which we will grieve, it is beautiful, Grandpa is dying well. God has been so merciful and gentle. He is at peace and in very little pain. Death holds no fear leaving him and Grandma are able to enjoy his final days.

He will soon be free, free from physical blindness, free from his mind which has become increasingly prone to forgetfulness, free from the weariness. With heaven awaiting this is not a moment to despair nor dread. After 27 years in the dark, what a moment it will be, when his gaze meets his Maker’s beaming smile as he’s welcomed by name into the eternal Kingdom.

I am the fruit of his faithfulness to the Lord and I thank God for Him. He has run his race boldy and is finishing well. His life is worthy of celebrating. My earnest prayer is that God provide me the grace to do the same.

I know death seems to carry a striking poignancy regardless of how prepared one is. I wonder how i’ll feel afterwards.

A few months ago:

With Zander, while he could still walk:

The last day that I saw him:

This morning I felt seriously very crap and didn’t want to go to work. Next weeks small group discussion is spiritual warfare, if this is meant to be prep, fair enough but it sucks.

I lied yesterday, I spoke too much (Proverbs 10:19), I gossiped, I interrupted, I was proud, I was rude, I made jokes at others expense, not to mention the assortment of sinful hideousness which ran riot through my mind. A fairly typical day. It may not have been obvious to others, but was to me.

The condemnation is incessant, so intense. The devil has my head in his jaws and is thrashing me around like a rag doll, resistance seems pointless, he is right after all, i messed up, i always mess up. His knowledge of me is bettered only by God. He knows my insecurities, my vulnerabilities and weaknesses and tailors his assault accordingly. There are no laws in this conflict, he doesn’t play clean. His tactics are designed for maximum effect. He has no sympathy for my feelings and will show no mercy. His obsession is to extinguish the name and glory of God and he’ll start by looking to tear down and nullify the likeness of Jesus being built into my life through the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit.

He attacks the essence of who I am, the creature Gods crafted, my God-given personality and God-given gifts, everything. Doubting my usefulness to everyone, it makes me want to hide. I look at myself and am rightfully ashamed.

Sinning goes against everything that I desire to be as a man of God, fact, and it hurts. However, on closer inspection, this isn’t the thing that hurts the most. Sadly, what hurts more is the prospect of my sin being exposed, and for those around me to see my true fallen state and foolishness. Somethings wrong with that and once again misplaced shame exposes an idol, one that goes way back, my fearing of man over God and elevating reputation for my own glorification.

ok, so the devil threw the most punches in round 1. He condemned me, floored me, starved me of hope and for a time succeeded in keeping my eyes focussed on my sin. However with some truth brought alive by the Holy Spirit we’re about to kick his ass!

I wander up blackford hill fairly regularly sort of, just to get away and have some time to myself.

Last Sunday it was a bit grey:

Last June it was less so:

(they’re my knees by the way, it was warmer back then)