For years i’ve activly sought to learn the secret as Paul talked about of being content in every circumstance. I’ve made it one of my most consistent prayers knowning it to be the only place where my soul will find true rest. I’m regularly frustrated at my inability to let go of the idols i’ve carved out for myself to worship. I hate and fear them but at the same time love and cherish them.
I’ve recently been flicking through “The pursuit of God” by A.W Tozer again. I’d definitly recommend reading it (its pretty short too - less than 100 pages!). Here’s a snippet which talks about the blessedness of possessing nothing. Its incredibly insightful and carries much truth, challenging the idols we allow to go unchecked but speaks also of the liberation and freedom we find in worshipping God alone.

Before the Lord God made man upon the earth He first perpared for him a world of useful and pleasant things for his sustenance and delight. In Genisis account of the creation these are called simply ‘things’. They were made for man’s use, but they were meant always to be external to man and subservient to him. In the deep heart of the man was a shrine where none but God was worthy tome come. Within him was God; without a thousand gifts which God had showered upon him.

But sin has introduced complications and has made those very gifts of God a potential source of ruin to the soul.

Our woes began when God was forced out of His central shrine and things were allowed to enter. Within the human heart things have taken over. Man have now by nature no peace within their hearts, for God is crowned there no longer, but there is in the moral dusk subborn and agressive upsurpers fight among themselves for the first place on the throne.

This is not mere metaphor, but an accurate analysis of our real spiritual trouble. There is within the human heart a tough, fibrous root of fallen life whose nature is to possess, always to possess. It covets things with a deep and fierce passion. The pronouns my and mine look innocent enough in print, but their constant and universal use is significant. They express the real nature of the old Adamic man better than a thousand volumes of theology could do. They are verbal symtoms of our deep disease. The roots of our hearts have grown down into things, and we dare not pull up one rootlet lest we die. Things have become necessary to us, a development never originally intended. God’s gifts now take the place of God, and the whole course of nature is upset by the monstorous substitution.

I don’t think we should think too narrowly on what constitutes “things” - seems to be basically anything we hold onto too tightly. Many things compete for “first place on the throne” or our hearts. It may be our material possession, our reputations, a desire for vocational success, our friendships and relationships. What ever our “things” are, whatever idols we struggle with letting go of, God’s desire for us, rooted in love, is that they be exposed and that we be free of them :).

I do a lot of writing in notebooks. As a method of communing and enjoying intimacy with God i’ve found it invaluable and have been massively blessed by it over the last 4 or 5 years. I’ve learned much about who God is and who I am as i’ve spent time scribbling down all kinds of thoughts and prayers, growing comfortable in his presence. I’d recommend everyone do it.

Libby (aka my sister) marries Dave in a few weeks. Recently I found an entry I wrote the day they got engaged, now over a year ago. Its a tribute and a prayer which seems fitting to share. I’ve not edited its content at all. It wasn’t written for an audience so its quite likely some bits might not make sense. I don’t care :).

27/6/07

Lib got engaged today. They were both so happy it was beautiful. They’re both so right for each other and will be a mighty asset to the kingdom. I pray for your protection father, keep them strong, may they never loose heart, a lifetime of fixing their eyes on Jesus. Let them run that race together, doggedly, and with perseverance. May they know the sufficiency of your love and grace, may they find rest in your arms and peace in your presence.

If you kept a record of our transgressions who could stand father, but with you there is forgiveness and therefore you are feared. Oh Lord I praise you, I love you, for we are cleansed. You present us faultless to the father. Its only through your grace. I am simply blown away by your goodness, that you would do what you did to bring me to your side. Its outrageous, its madness, your love is a mystery and I will never understand why you love me as much as you do. I don’t get it but thats ok, you simply want me to accept it, to receive your embrace. You heal me Lord, you fulfill me, you complete me and in your sight my identity will never change. You elevate me to a place impossible for me to fall from. I am in awe of you Lord.

Unless I know your love for me, how can I reflect it to those in the world around me. Teach me more of your love father, Rest in your presence and fullness of joy. I’m enjoying your love right now, I thank you for moments like these, time just to be a son in the presence of his father. I love you. Amen.

Grandpa has gone. On up ahead and claimed his crown of righteousness. The service at the crematorium was beautiful, grandma read Psalm 16 and I got through Psalm 23. There were tears as we remembered someone we were very fond of, but for me an overriding sense of joy, knowing grace had carried him home and the faithfulness of a God in whose arms he now rests, alive and at peace.

I’m reminded of one of my favorite passages, from Psalm 103 verses 13-18. I love being reminded of our being mortal, our finiteness, our being dust. It somehow just seems right and makes God all the greater.

As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,he remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.

But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children’s children-

with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.

At the moment i’ve all four of my grandparents still living. Very soon there’ll be one less. Grandpa is dying. He was diagnosed with cancer about 6 weeks ago and given 4-6 weeks. I’ve been back quite a few times over the last month or so to say goodbye, but this time was almost certainly the last.

Even sitting is now weary and a quarter cup of tea has become too heavy to hold, his weariness is acute. Inspite of the separation which we will grieve, it is beautiful, Grandpa is dying well. God has been so merciful and gentle. He is at peace and in very little pain. Death holds no fear leaving him and Grandma are able to enjoy his final days.

He will soon be free, free from physical blindness, free from his mind which has become increasingly prone to forgetfulness, free from the weariness. With heaven awaiting this is not a moment to despair nor dread. After 27 years in the dark, what a moment it will be, when his gaze meets his Maker’s beaming smile as he’s welcomed by name into the eternal Kingdom.

I am the fruit of his faithfulness to the Lord and I thank God for Him. He has run his race boldy and is finishing well. His life is worthy of celebrating. My earnest prayer is that God provide me the grace to do the same.

I know death seems to carry a striking poignancy regardless of how prepared one is. I wonder how i’ll feel afterwards.

A few months ago:

With Zander, while he could still walk:

The last day that I saw him:

Simon woof woof yesterday laid down again a fresh call for us to be people who pursue the kingdom of God radically.

Emotions are so easily swayed by environment and circumstances, compared to character which is substantial and enduring, and so for me, I think the issue isn’t so much “what am I going to do?” but rather “who am I aspiring to be?” and “where is my treasure?”. I’m inclined to think that radical living begins in our hearts, on our knees, and that as we spend time with a God who transforms hearts, that our “doing” will become increasingly instinctive and importantly sustainable. I was reminded of a post I spewed out a while ago (though only made it to the draft phase) as I thought about the man I aspire to (and by God’s grace) become.

A man of discipline and integrity, who is honorable, courageous and without reproach. A man who loves radically and indiscriminately, someone who reflects God’s character towards all those who cross my path. I want God to be glorified, for the world to acknowledge Him as king and creator, and to enjoy the relationship made possible through Jesus.

I want to be a man who is committed to good habits and wise disciplines. I want to read more books, I want to get through my bible steadily and for it to be of greater influence in my life than it is at the moment. I want to hear God’s voice with greater clarity. I want my every moment to be an acknowledgment of Him. I want to know Him better, and to see my circumstances the way He does. I want greater conviction for what is right and what is wrong, and in light of the freedom God’s given me I want to throw off everything that hinders, to run my race tenaciously and endure suffering. I want my life to be defined by holiness, not happiness. I want to focus my energy and align my will towards obeying him. I want to finish well and to never lose hope.

I want to learn to hate the sin that wars against my soul. I’m weary of its numbing effect upon my convictions and of the indifference it brings. I want to learn what it means to trust God and to not be afraid. I want to be courageous.

Aspiration is a good thing, but the truth is, I can’t do any of it. I can’t hasten my sanctification through keeping a series of rules and avoiding a list of “do nots”. Instead I must let grace to teach me and embrace the free gift of righteousness God has already given. I need to learn more of what it means to remain in the love God has lavished upon me. To surrender my all to a king who is sovereign, who is for me and who knows my every detail in ways I cannot comprehend.

I want to run in the path of His commands… to enjoy the relationship I have. I dedicate myself joyfully into his service for His purposes… that place of true freedom, and rest for my soul. God’s glory belongs, and must remain with Him, I don’t want any of it.

Jesus has given me life… and I want to live it. I know I will never be alone.

Choosing to love people will rarely be easy - one way or another it will always cost us something… but God’s agenda for us is to love… it will define us as disciples… so fundamental and yet how quick I am to forget… :(

Mathew 22:37-39
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

John 13:34
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

G. K. Chesterton
“Love means to love that which is unlovable; or it is no virtue at all.”

Amy Carmichael
“You can give without loving. But you cannot love without giving.”

Some lyrics from a track called “Phobic”. The song it communicates God’s grace and gentleness in such a special way - its really beautiful.

I watched you sit alone
I watched you cry your eyes out
Now tell me what you’ve done

Is it so bad that
I would shut you out
And leave you here alone

Yes, I saw what you did
I was right there with you
I won’t let you sink
No, I forgive you

Phobic
Don’t be
Grace needs a little more freedom
Phobic
Don’t be
Love needs room to breathe

I have watched you grow
And I’ve stood in your shadow
I’ve never walked away

I hung the stars and
I hold your heart
So, don’t ever be afraid

Yes, I know when you breathe
And I feel when you need
I won’t let you sink
No, I forgive you

You can be healed
You can be free
You can know peace
Never be afraid again

It keeps happening, I find myself thinking about prayer, then without realising I find myself “practicing” and then it’ll hit me that at no point was I consciously directing any of it towards God!! Doh :S Maybe i’m a bit crazy, however whilst looking up meditation, it did make me question whether I need be so hard on myself…

Source: Wikipedia - Christian_meditation#Theology_of_Christian_meditation

Could what i’m experiencing be considered a vague form of rehearsal and hence at a stretch an aspect of meditation…?

Jeremiah 9:23-24

This is what the LORD says:

“Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom
or the strong man boast of his strength
or the rich man boast of his riches,
but let him who boasts boast about this:
that he understands and knows me,
that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,”

declares the LORD.

How ace is that. God wants us to know and understand him. He wants us to be proud of our relationship with Him and basically wants us to big him up! Its fair enough like, God is good and is worthy of all the credit that we can possibly direct his way!

Do we feel confident enough to boast that we know God? Do we want to boast about His character?

The fact is God is delighted when we do. :)

John Piper puts forward the analogy of our faith as being a furnace which is fueled by grace. The shovel which supplies fuel to fire, ie grace to faith is prayer. As i’ve thought about it over the last few months i’ve become more and more convinced that the analogy holds. Prayer is wonderful, critical for our faith and enables us to live life to the full. Without it we’re spiritually missing out not to mention the joy to be experienced as one knowingly spends time with God.

I’ve often wondered why it is that the devil seems so determined to stop us praying when it can seem to provide such little benefit to us anyway? I mean realistically I can get by ok without it right? What does he know that I don’t…? I can but conclude that he knows the power of prayer far more potently than I do… If he can stop me praying he succeeds in breaking down the moment by moment communication within the most important relationship i’ll ever have, that with God himself. The sad thing is that I can so often offer no shred of resistance.

I recently had a great bible study with some guys. At the end there was a real desire to take God seriously again. It was glorious to see, because at the heart of it was a renewed passion for God. I couldn’t help but think though that surely to be sustainable, there has to be more behind this good intention that just simply a person’s will to do it. I mean consider the low success rate of new years resolutions.

I remember that part in Nehemiah where he reminds the people of the “Joy of the Lord” being their strength, and I believe its the same for us. Its this joy which sustains these good intentions, our prayer life, provides moments of peace during times of stress. Its this joy which provides the motivation as we look to reach out to our friends and gives us a reason to smile! We deserved to die and now we have eternal life!

The following from a book i’m reading at the moment outlines the human desire for relationship as follows:

We want to be with people we know well and who enjoy being with us. We long for close, fully satisfying relationships.

How can joy pour forth from our relationship with God if we don’t invest in it? God desires so much for a relationship with us, and yet all too often we can offer up some token gesture lip-service we deem required to keep things ticking over, without our hearts being in it. Life-bringing, sustaining joy flows from an intimate relationship with our God which we maintain and build upon through prayer.

It doesn’t need to be a drag, its a relationship with a living God! Keep the faith, pray joy pray joy pray! Awesome.