At the moment i’ve all four of my grandparents still living. Very soon there’ll be one less. Grandpa is dying. He was diagnosed with cancer about 6 weeks ago and given 4-6 weeks. I’ve been back quite a few times over the last month or so to say goodbye, but this time was almost certainly the last.

Even sitting is now weary and a quarter cup of tea has become too heavy to hold, his weariness is acute. Inspite of the separation which we will grieve, it is beautiful, Grandpa is dying well. God has been so merciful and gentle. He is at peace and in very little pain. Death holds no fear leaving him and Grandma are able to enjoy his final days.

He will soon be free, free from physical blindness, free from his mind which has become increasingly prone to forgetfulness, free from the weariness. With heaven awaiting this is not a moment to despair nor dread. After 27 years in the dark, what a moment it will be, when his gaze meets his Maker’s beaming smile as he’s welcomed by name into the eternal Kingdom.

I am the fruit of his faithfulness to the Lord and I thank God for Him. He has run his race boldy and is finishing well. His life is worthy of celebrating. My earnest prayer is that God provide me the grace to do the same.

I know death seems to carry a striking poignancy regardless of how prepared one is. I wonder how i’ll feel afterwards.

A few months ago:

With Zander, while he could still walk:

The last day that I saw him:

Simon woof woof yesterday laid down again a fresh call for us to be people who pursue the kingdom of God radically.

Emotions are so easily swayed by environment and circumstances, compared to character which is substantial and enduring, and so for me, I think the issue isn’t so much “what am I going to do?” but rather “who am I aspiring to be?” and “where is my treasure?”. I’m inclined to think that radical living begins in our hearts, on our knees, and that as we spend time with a God who transforms hearts, that our “doing” will become increasingly instinctive and importantly sustainable. I was reminded of a post I spewed out a while ago (though only made it to the draft phase) as I thought about the man I aspire to (and by God’s grace) become.

A man of discipline and integrity, who is honorable, courageous and without reproach. A man who loves radically and indiscriminately, someone who reflects God’s character towards all those who cross my path. I want God to be glorified, for the world to acknowledge Him as king and creator, and to enjoy the relationship made possible through Jesus.

I want to be a man who is committed to good habits and wise disciplines. I want to read more books, I want to get through my bible steadily and for it to be of greater influence in my life than it is at the moment. I want to hear God’s voice with greater clarity. I want my every moment to be an acknowledgment of Him. I want to know Him better, and to see my circumstances the way He does. I want greater conviction for what is right and what is wrong, and in light of the freedom God’s given me I want to throw off everything that hinders, to run my race tenaciously and endure suffering. I want my life to be defined by holiness, not happiness. I want to focus my energy and align my will towards obeying him. I want to finish well and to never lose hope.

I want to learn to hate the sin that wars against my soul. I’m weary of its numbing effect upon my convictions and of the indifference it brings. I want to learn what it means to trust God and to not be afraid. I want to be courageous.

Aspiration is a good thing, but the truth is, I can’t do any of it. I can’t hasten my sanctification through keeping a series of rules and avoiding a list of “do nots”. Instead I must let grace to teach me and embrace the free gift of righteousness God has already given. I need to learn more of what it means to remain in the love God has lavished upon me. To surrender my all to a king who is sovereign, who is for me and who knows my every detail in ways I cannot comprehend.

I want to run in the path of His commands… to enjoy the relationship I have. I dedicate myself joyfully into his service for His purposes… that place of true freedom, and rest for my soul. God’s glory belongs, and must remain with Him, I don’t want any of it.

Jesus has given me life… and I want to live it. I know I will never be alone.

Choosing to love people will rarely be easy – one way or another it will always cost us something… but God’s agenda for us is to love… it will define us as disciples… so fundamental and yet how quick I am to forget… :(

Mathew 22:37-39
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

John 13:34
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

G. K. Chesterton
“Love means to love that which is unlovable; or it is no virtue at all.”

Amy Carmichael
“You can give without loving. But you cannot love without giving.”

Some lyrics from a track called “Phobic”. The song it communicates God’s grace and gentleness in such a special way – its really beautiful.

I watched you sit alone
I watched you cry your eyes out
Now tell me what you’ve done

Is it so bad that
I would shut you out
And leave you here alone

Yes, I saw what you did
I was right there with you
I won’t let you sink
No, I forgive you

Phobic
Don’t be
Grace needs a little more freedom
Phobic
Don’t be
Love needs room to breathe

I have watched you grow
And I’ve stood in your shadow
I’ve never walked away

I hung the stars and
I hold your heart
So, don’t ever be afraid

Yes, I know when you breathe
And I feel when you need
I won’t let you sink
No, I forgive you

You can be healed
You can be free
You can know peace
Never be afraid again

It keeps happening, I find myself thinking about prayer, then without realising I find myself “practicing” and then it’ll hit me that at no point was I consciously directing any of it towards God!! Doh :S Maybe i’m a bit crazy, however whilst looking up meditation, it did make me question whether I need be so hard on myself…

Source: Wikipedia – Christian_meditation#Theology_of_Christian_meditation

Could what i’m experiencing be considered a vague form of rehearsal and hence at a stretch an aspect of meditation…?

Jeremiah 9:23-24

This is what the LORD says:

“Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom
or the strong man boast of his strength
or the rich man boast of his riches,
but let him who boasts boast about this:
that he understands and knows me,
that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,”

declares the LORD.

How ace is that. God wants us to know and understand him. He wants us to be proud of our relationship with Him and basically wants us to big him up! Its fair enough like, God is good and is worthy of all the credit that we can possibly direct his way!

Do we feel confident enough to boast that we know God? Do we want to boast about His character?

The fact is God is delighted when we do. :)

John Piper puts forward the analogy of our faith as being a furnace which is fueled by grace. The shovel which supplies fuel to fire, ie grace to faith is prayer. As i’ve thought about it over the last few months i’ve become more and more convinced that the analogy holds. Prayer is wonderful, critical for our faith and enables us to live life to the full. Without it we’re spiritually missing out not to mention the joy to be experienced as one knowingly spends time with God.

I’ve often wondered why it is that the devil seems so determined to stop us praying when it can seem to provide such little benefit to us anyway? I mean realistically I can get by ok without it right? What does he know that I don’t…? I can but conclude that he knows the power of prayer far more potently than I do… If he can stop me praying he succeeds in breaking down the moment by moment communication within the most important relationship i’ll ever have, that with God himself. The sad thing is that I can so often offer no shred of resistance.

I recently had a great bible study with some guys. At the end there was a real desire to take God seriously again. It was glorious to see, because at the heart of it was a renewed passion for God. I couldn’t help but think though that surely to be sustainable, there has to be more behind this good intention that just simply a person’s will to do it. I mean consider the low success rate of new years resolutions.

I remember that part in Nehemiah where he reminds the people of the “Joy of the Lord” being their strength, and I believe its the same for us. Its this joy which sustains these good intentions, our prayer life, provides moments of peace during times of stress. Its this joy which provides the motivation as we look to reach out to our friends and gives us a reason to smile! We deserved to die and now we have eternal life!

The following from a book i’m reading at the moment outlines the human desire for relationship as follows:

We want to be with people we know well and who enjoy being with us. We long for close, fully satisfying relationships.

How can joy pour forth from our relationship with God if we don’t invest in it? God desires so much for a relationship with us, and yet all too often we can offer up some token gesture lip-service we deem required to keep things ticking over, without our hearts being in it. Life-bringing, sustaining joy flows from an intimate relationship with our God which we maintain and build upon through prayer.

It doesn’t need to be a drag, its a relationship with a living God! Keep the faith, pray joy pray joy pray! Awesome.

Last Sunday, shorty after church had started, a guy near the front began to what I thought was sneeze. Pretty quickly though it became obvious he was in fact repeating “sh*t” over and over again, and after repeated “quiet words” by the stewards a few of the Carrubbers holy heavies figured he best be moved. In the end there wasn’t much resistance, he just cackled and laughed as they walked him out…

Whilst all this was happening the whole A/V system went into meltdown (which hasn’t happened once in the 5 years i’ve been there…). The service kept going regardless, un-acknowledged from the platform, but caused obvious disruption.

Ephesians 6:12 came to mind:

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Walking back I was more shocked and surprised than I should have been given how clearly the Word teaches us to expect such things. I remember reading somewhere (probably CS Lewis) that one of the most effective tactics of the devil is to lead us into believing that he doesn’t exist. After a bit of thought I have to admit that when the rubber hits the road my default reaction when confronted by the supernatural in my day-to-day is often one of cynicism, preferring to write circumstances off as mere “coincidence”. I mean what is coincidence anyway?!

The devil will try everything within his power to strip God of credit, to distract from His sovereignty, and to deceive us into concluding that reality be exclusively that which we can see around us. Its not often that he sticks his neck out so blatantly, preferring to prowl in the shadows “undetected”.

Its a shame that it took such a tangible demonstration to remind me of the battle we’re involved in and of the devils prowling nature, and even as I write this i’m still tempted to explain away his influence as a string of mere coincidences… which no doubt he’d be very keen for me to do.

Not quite sure what i’m trying to say, t’is all a bit of a ramble…

I did it, I bought Stott.

Me being me, I cottoned on to the idea a shade late, as we’re now 8 weeks into the 10 week study, but at least i’ll have it for the next time I fancy an intellectual work out.

Taking a quick moment to reflect, so far Romans has been amazing. Certain things have really stood out such as the lavishness of God’s grace, just how new we are as “new creations” in Christ, and the extent to which the Spirit now dwelling within us intercedes for us.

I think in summary i’ve found the studies to have brought a much fuller meaning to Jesus’ statement of being the “Way the Truth and the Life”, particularly the “Life” part.

As you’d expect, the studies have raised some tough questions. Predestination got a good bit of air time as we grappled with God’s sovereign choice. I could go off on a rant here but i’ll save it for now :P.

What I will say is praise God because he’s God. Praise him for being a just, holy God who loves me and who has shown me outrageous mercy and grace through his gift of salvation. Were God not far above us in every respect he wouldn’t be God, and boasting elements unfathomable reason and logic must surely be a part of that…

Was so thankful to discover the doxology at the end of chapter 11.

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
“Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?”
“Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay him?”
For from him and through him and to him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.

Regardless of any questions one might have, it doesn’t leave you much to complain about… :)

Don’t hide your face from me O God for my heart is distressed;
I hold on tightly Lord, for I cannot discern your leading.

My blindness overwhelms me, I cry out in the darkness;
Seeds of doubt are sown in my mind, I feel isolated from your council.

I am attacked from every side, unable to distinguish friend from foe.
If I cannot see my enemy, how can I withstand the onslaught.

Yet I will trust in You, and in the promises laid before me.
Though I stumble I will not fall, for you are faithful, and are sovereign over your creation.

Your love for me will never change, you desire for me is to prosper.
So I will wait on You, for You will speak.